yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
