Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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