He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
