absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Randomize