so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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