This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
