Me. At least after what I've been through.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I love having hate sex.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
