god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
i think my cat just said my name.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
