He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
