I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
