Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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