i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
