Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Randomize
