I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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