My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
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