I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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