I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
