Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
