JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
