my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
