i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Randomize
