evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
