i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
