My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
