Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
