I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
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