apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
