Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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