this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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