soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
