i jhust puked up my retainher.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
