Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
