why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
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