Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
