I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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