I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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