Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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