I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize