What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
