its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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