Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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