So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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