Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize