Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
