I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize