I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
