apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
