You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
