you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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