his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
My life is pants optional.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
