i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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