so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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