It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Text me some of your sweat
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize