Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
