How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
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