You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Your cock deserves a montage
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
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