Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
