you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
