sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
