you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
