Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
