If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
