I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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